When Stress Meets Anxious Attachment: Why Silence Feels Like Rejection
- Tina Armstrong
- Nov 5
- 7 min read
For many high-achieving Black women, the feeling of rejection can be triggered by something as simple as silence. I know how overwhelming it can feel to navigate chronic stress while trying to show up for everyone and everything. When we're under stress, our attachment systems can become heightened, making us more sensitive to perceived rejection.
In this post, we'll be exploring the connection between stress and attachment, particularly anxious attachment, and how it impacts our well-being. Through the Exercise pillar of the ROOTED framework, I’ll share how intentional movement and body awareness help calm an activated nervous system and restore safety from the inside out. Healing isn’t just mental, it’s physical also. Moving our bodies with purpose becomes a spiritual and psychological act of reclaiming peace.
If what you read here resonates, I invite you to check out our forthcoming virtual Stressed to ROOTED Skool community, where we explore these topics together in a supportive, culturally grounded space. You can also reach out to me directly at 626-360-0828 or email info@livingconnectedmbs.com—I’d love to have you join us on this healing journey.
Key Takeaways
Stress heightens attachment sensitivities. When we’re stressed, the nervous system can misread silence as rejection.
Anxious attachment is a safety strategy. It often stems from inconsistent care, relational wounds, and cultural pressures to “be strong.”
The body keeps the score. Signs include tight shoulders/neck, stomach knots, racing heart, restlessness, and fatigue.
Exercise pillar = regulation. Gentle, intentional movement (breathwork, walking, stretching, slow dance) signals safety and calms the body’s alarm.
Silence has context. For many Black women, generational silencing and invisibility can make quiet moments feel personal.
Start small, repeat often. Daily grounding (4-4-6 breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, mindful movement) helps rewire attachment reactivity.
You’re not alone. Healing deepens in community; consider joining the Stressed to ROOTED Skool Community and reaching out for support.
Why We're Starting with Anxious Attachment
I’m beginning this series with anxious attachment because it shows up so often in the stories I hear and have lived myself. When combined with chronic stress, it can quietly shape how we relate, love, and lead.
Anxious attachment often comes with a deep fear of abandonment and an intense need for reassurance. You may find yourself replaying conversations, second-guessing messages, or feeling uneasy when someone doesn’t respond right away. It’s not neediness—it’s your nervous system searching for safety.
Understanding the Roots of Anxious Attachment
The roots of anxious attachment are complex and multifaceted. Research suggests that it's influenced by a combination of factors, including early childhood experiences, parenting styles, and past relationships.
For many Black women, the expectation to be “strong” only deepens this pattern. When life teaches you that safety isn’t guaranteed, your body learns to stay on alert—even when no danger is present.
By understanding these roots, we can begin to unpack the complexities of anxious attachment and how it intersects with chronic stress. This knowledge is a powerful tool on the path to healing.
How Anxious Attachment Shows Up in the Body
Anxious attachment attachment doesn’t live only in the mind—it lives in the body.
Common body responses include:
Tightness in the shoulders or neck
A knot in the stomach
Rapid heartbeat while waiting for a reply
Restlessness or fatigue
These sensations are not random, they are our body’s way of responding to perceived threat or stress. It is as if our body were saying, “I don’t feel safe right now.” Through the Exercise pillar of ROOTED, I teach others to listen to these signals rather than fight them. Simple movements—stretching, walking, or deep breathing—help metabolize stored stress and remind the body it’s safe to rest so that you tend to the healing work.
Why Silence Can Feel Like Rejection
Silence can feel deafening, especially given our historical context. Our history includes centuries of being silenced, dismissed, or expected to endure. The chronic stress of invisibility makes silence echo like rejection.
We’ve learned to be strong, to hold it together, to rise above. Yet when silence comes, it can stir the ache of not being seen. Through embodied practices and faith-based grounding, I’ve seen women reclaim that silence, not as rejection, but as an invitation to rest, breathe, and reconnect.
How Chronic Stress Amplifies Attachment Triggers
As chronic stress takes hold, it can amplify our attachment triggers, leading to a cascade of effects on our nervous system. When we're under chronic stress, our body's stress response is continually activated, making us more susceptible to feelings of anxiety and overwhelm. This heightened state of arousal can significantly impact our attachment styles, making it more challenging to navigate relationships.
Understanding the impact of chronic stress on our nervous system is crucial to addressing how it amplifies attachment triggers. Chronic stress can lead to changes in our nervous system, affecting our ability to regulate emotions and respond to stressors.
How Chronic Stress Amplifies Attachment Triggers
Chronic stress keeps the body’s alarm system switched on. The longer it stays active, the more reactive we become to perceived rejection. One unanswered message can feel catastrophic because the body’s stress hormones are in overdrive.
The Exercise pillar teaches us to move differently, to let the body lead. Gentle, rhythmic movement signals safety to the nervous system, helping the mind calm and the heart settle.
3 Embodied Practices to Begin Rewiring the Cycle
Embodied practices offer a powerful way to connect with our bodies and promote healing. Healing begins with small steps and consistent care. Here are some techniques to get you started:
Deep Breathing Exercises: Focus on slow, deliberate breaths to calm your nervous system and reduce chronic stress. Inhale for four counts, hold for four, exhale for six.
Progressive Muscle Relaxation: Release physical tension by systematically relaxing different muscle groups. Tighten and release each muscle group, noticing what softens.
Mindful Movement: Engage in activities like yoga or tai chi that promote a sense of grounding and connection to your body. Walk, stretch, or dance slowly—movement helps emotions move through you.
Each exhale releases the old story that says you’re not enough. Each inhale invites peace and presence.
Putting It Into Action: A Step-by-Step Guide to Grounding
Here's a step-by-step guide to a simple grounding ritual you can practice daily:
Find a quiet and comfortable place to sit or stand, with your feet firmly planted on the ground.
Take a few deep breaths, focusing on the sensation of the breath moving in and out of your body.
Notice the sensation of your feet touching the ground, the weight of your body distributed evenly.
Slowly look around you, noticing the sights, sounds, and smells of your environment.
Whisper to yourself, “I am safe. I am loved. I am enough.”
As you practice this grounding ritual, you may find that it becomes easier to stay present and centered, even in the midst of chronic stress. By incorporating a daily grounding ritual, you can begin to rewire your response to stress and anxiety.
Navigating Your Path Forward
Now that you've gained a deeper understanding of anxious attachment and its impact on your life, you may be wondering where to go from here. Joining a community that understands your experiences can be a powerful step towards healing. That's why we invite you to join the Stressed to ROOTED Skool Community, where you can connect with like-minded individuals and continue to grow and heal.
Nervous system healing is a crucial aspect of this journey. Learning to rewire your response to stress and cultivate a deeper sense of safety and security within yourself is critical for your wellbeing.
We're excited to have you join us on this journey, and we look forward to supporting you as you continue to heal and grow. By being part of the Stressed to ROOTED Skool Community, you'll be taking a significant step towards nervous system healing and developing the tools you need to flourish.
FAQ
What is anxious attachment, and how does it affect Black women?
Anxious attachment is a pattern of attachment that can lead to feelings of insecurity and anxiety in relationships. For Black women, anxious attachment can be triggered by historical and cultural factors, such as the legacy of trauma and marginalization, making it essential to address in the context of healing and liberation.
How does chronic stress impact anxious attachment?
Chronic stress can amplify attachment triggers, leading to a cycle of anxiety and overwhelm. By understanding the interplay between chronic stress and anxious attachment, we can develop strategies to mitigate its effects and promote healing.
What is the role of the nervous system in anxious attachment?
The nervous system plays a crucial role in anxious attachment, as it can be triggered by stress and trauma, leading to a state of hypervigilance. By learning to regulate the nervous system through practices like deep breathing and grounding, you can begin to calm the attachment triggers and promote healing.
Join the Stress to ROOTED Skool Community
If you’re ready to explore these practices in community, I invite you to join the ROOTED Skool Community—a space where Black women learn to regulate, reconnect, and rise together. Because healing isn’t just about the mind.
It’s about coming home to your body—one breath, one movement, one moment at a time.
Is the Stress to ROOTED Skool community a replacement for therapy?
No. While the ROOTED Skool community offers education, support, and culturally-grounded wellness tools, it is not a substitute for mental health treatment or a therapeutic relationship. I am a licensed psychologist, but inside this space I am your guide, not your personal therapist.
The resources, conversations, and practices shared are designed for learning, reflection, and growth—not diagnosis, crisis support, or individualized clinical care. If you ever need counseling, crisis intervention, or medical guidance, please seek support from a licensed mental health professional in your state.
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