When December Feels Tender: Holiday Grief Support, Welcoming Joy, and Noticing What Helps
- Tina Armstrong
- 4 days ago
- 8 min read
December can be a tender month.
Something about the shorter days, the stillness, the rituals, the remembering… it all brings emotions to the surface in ways we didn’t always ask for. While the world leans heavily into celebration, many of us find ourselves sitting with a quieter, more complicated mix of feelings.
Holiday grief has a way of rising just when the rest of the world seems most insistent on cheer. And yet, December can also hold small sparks of joy — soft moments that warm us even while parts of us ache.
Holding both isn’t failure.
It’s being human.
Key Takeaways
December can hold both joy and holiday grief, and both deserve space.
Your emotions don’t have to match the season; your truth is enough.
Holiday grief support is available , it shows up in many forms, and it’s all valid.
Small comfort practices can steady your mind, body, and spirit.
You’re allowed to feel moments of joy without guilt — joy and grief can coexist.
The Paradox of December: Experiencing Joy and Holiday Grief Sitting Side by Side
For some, the lights and music stir nostalgia and connection. For others, those same sights and sounds make what’s missing feel impossibly loud.
December often magnifies whatever we’ve been carrying:
the longing for someone who isn’t here
the ache of a season we’ve outgrown
the bittersweetness of traditions that look different now
the quiet gratitude for moments that still make us smile
Joy and grief don’t fight for space. They sit beside each other. Once we stop expecting ourselves to “feel only one thing,” the emotional pressure softens. Both experiences are true. Both are allowed. And both can exist in the same heart.
Why Emotions Feel Bigger This Time of Year
Holidays naturally heighten our emotional experiences. For some, the togetherness brings deep joy. For others, the absence of loved ones or the reminder of what has changed makes grief feel louder.
Whether your holiday is filled with laughter or layered with ache, both experiences hold meaning.
The Cultural Pressure to "Be Merry"
December often comes with an unspoken expectation to “be merry.”
But what if you’re not?
Many people feel guilty when they can’t embody the cheeriness that holiday culture demands. Some even suppress their grief to avoid disappointing others. The truth is: you are allowed to feel exactly how you feel—even in December.
There is no emotional performance required. No “right” way to be.
Understanding Holiday Grief in Its Many Forms
Holiday grief isn’t just about the people we’ve lost — though that alone can be deeply felt this time of year.
It’s also about:
the traditions that changed
the family dynamics that shifted
the dreams that didn’t unfold
the “old us” we sometimes miss
the anniversaries or dates that pull us back into memory
Grief shows up in the body too — fatigue, changes in appetite, restless sleep. And emotionally? It moves in waves. Some days we’re okay. Other days we’re not. Both are normal.
What matters most is giving yourself permission to feel what’s true for you without rushing it.
Permission to Feel: Honor Your Authentic Experience
It’s easy to get trapped in “shoulds” during December:
I should be happy.
I shouldn’t still be sad.
I should just enjoy the holidays.
But “shoulds” don’t heal us. They harden us.
Feeling sadness doesn’t cancel your joy.
Feeling joy doesn’t erase your grief.
Both can live in the same breath.
Both deserve space.
What’s Been Helping Me Lately
This month, I’m paying closer attention to the small things that help me breathe deeper. Not to numb anything, but to offer myself a little softness when the day feels heavy.
Here are a few things that support me when I need a moment of calm:
Shower steamers — Turning my shower into a mini sanctuary. The scent, the warmth… it feels like a full-body exhale.
Weighted blanket — Some evenings, my body carries more than my words do. Crawling under my weighted blanket feels like someone placing a steady hand on my back saying, “You’re okay. Just rest.”
Koshi Chime — There are moments when my thoughts feel too loud. The soft, melodic sound of this chime quiets the noise and helps me settle.
Himalayan Salt Lamp — The warm glow signals to my body, “you can soften now.”
Belula Dry Brushing Set — Grief pulls me out of my body; this brings me gently back.
LEGO Botanicals — I know it sounds funny, but focusing on one small, beautiful task helps my mind rest. Building something soft and lovely feels like a little gift to myself.
Aromatherapy roll-ons — Small pockets of calm I can carry with me. Sometimes I put a little on my wrist and just breathe for a moment.
Meditations of the Heart by Howard Thurman — This book steadies me. A grounding companion when my spirit feels heavy.
Art of Tea | Organic White Coconut Creme —When I need something warm and calming that isn’t too strong, I reach for coconut tea. It has a smooth, mild flavor that helps me settle and slow down without feeling weighed down.
Candles —Aromatherapy candles help me create a calm atmosphere when my mind feels cluttered. Soft scents like lavender, eucalyptus, or vanilla help me unwind and feel more grounded at the end of the day.
Nothing here fixes grief.
But each one creates a small moment of care, and sometimes that’s all we need to get through the day.
Effective Holiday Grief Support Strategies
The holiday season can be a particularly difficult time, making support strategies essential. Support can take many forms:
Professional Resources and When to Seek Help
Counseling can provide a grounded space to process overwhelming emotions, especially during emotionally charged seasons.
Community Support Groups and Shared Experiences
Community support groups offer a space where individuals can share their experiences and connect with others who are going through similar challenges. These groups can be found through local community centers, places of worship, or organizations dedicated to community support. Sharing experiences in a supportive environment can be incredibly healing.
Digital Resources for Holiday Grief
In today's digital age, there are online platforms, podcasts, grief forums, and social media communities which can offer comfort, especially for those who feel alone. Digital resources can be especially helpful for those who are isolated or prefer the anonymity of online support.
Books and Podcasts for Emotional Healing During Holidays
For additional support, many turn to books and podcasts that address grief and healing. Recommended books include "A Grief Observed" by C.S. Lewis and "It's OK That You're Not OK" by Megan Devine. Podcasts such as "The Grief Podcast" and "Hospice Chaplain" offer insightful discussions and personal stories of grief and recovery. These emotional support tools can provide solace and guidance during difficult times.
Communicating Your Needs to Friends and Family
As you navigate the complex emotions that come with December, being open with your loved ones can help you cope more effectively.
Setting Boundaries Around Holiday Gatherings
Holiday gatherings require emotional energy, so be sure to manage your energy. You can do so by participating in holiday gatherings on your terms.
It’s okay to step away, take breaks, or leave early. Consider what you're comfortable with and communicate those boundaries clearly to your hosts or family members. For instance, you might say, "I'm happy to attend the gathering, but I'll need to leave right after dinner." This helps in emotional healing during holidays by avoiding overwhelm.
Asking for Specific Support
Don't hesitate to ask for specific support from your loved ones. Tell others exactly what you need help with cooking, quiet time, or simply someone to sit with you. You might say, "I could really use some help with cooking this year; would you be able to assist?" This not only shares the burden but also fosters a sense of community and support.
Handling Uncomfortable Questions and Comments
During holiday gatherings, you might face uncomfortable questions or comments, especially if you're grieving or dealing with emotional challenges.
Prepare a few responses ahead of time:
“I’m taking things one day at a time.”
“This season feels tender for me.”
“I appreciate you checking in.”
These responses can help you navigate difficult conversations with grace and assertiveness.
Creating New Rituals That Honor Loss
New traditions can be healing:
Lighting a candle in memory of someone
Creating a photo table
Writing a letter to a loved one
Blending old traditions with new ones
Small symbolic acts can offer grounding and connection. By incorporating new traditions into our existing holiday practices, we can create a sense of continuity and connection to those who have passed or with seasons that are now over.
Finding Moments of Joy Without Guilt
Joy does not invalidate grief.
You are allowed to experience small pleasures, sweetness, or laughter without apologizing for it.
Grief and joy can coexist—and both are sacred.
Supporting Others Through Holiday Grief
You may find yourself supporting others who are having a challenging time during the holidays.
Here are a few things to consider:
Be present.
Listen.
Offer practical support.
Avoid clichés.
Remember that grief is unique and unpredictable.
Sometimes the most healing thing you can say is: “I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.”
Conclusion: Embracing the Full Spectrum of December
December asks us to hold many things at once—grief, joy, nostalgia, hope, fatigue, and longing. Coping in December requires tenderness, honesty, and permission to feel the full spectrum of our emotional truth.
By acknowledging what hurts and embracing small moments of comfort, reflection, and joy, we can move through this season with compassion and steadiness.
Healing doesn’t rush.
It unfolds.
And you are allowed to move at the pace your heart needs.
Join the ROOTED Community on Skool
If this season feels heavy or tender, you don’t have to walk through it alone.
Come join a community of women who breathe, heal, and grow together.
✨ Find support.
✨ Learn tools that calm your mind and spirit.
✨ Connect with women who understand.
Your space to pause, breathe,
and take a break before you break.
FAQ
1) How can I cope with holiday grief when everyone around me seems to be joyful?
Acknowledge your emotions instead of suppressing them. Take breaks when needed, create new rituals, and reach out to supportive people or groups.
2) What are meaningful ways to honor a loved one during the holidays?
Light a candle, create a small memorial, donate in their name, cook one of their favorite dishes, or blend old traditions with new ones.
3) How do I manage the physical symptoms of holiday grief?
Prioritize rest, hydration, nutrition, and gentle movement. Mindfulness, warm baths, and comfort tools like weighted blankets or calming scents can also help.
4) Is it okay to feel happy during the holiday season when I'm grieving?
Yes. Joy and grief often coexist. Feeling joy doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten your loved one or moved on—it means you’re human.
5) How can I support a loved one who is grieving during the holidays?
Be present and listen to their story. Avoid clichés or minimizing their feelings. Offer practical support, such as helping with errands or cooking meals. Recognize the signs of struggle and be patient, understanding that grief is a unique and individual experience.
6) Are there online resources for holiday grief?
Yes. Online grief forums, digital support groups, podcasts, and emotional healing tools can be powerful resources—especially for those who feel isolated.
7) How can I create new holiday traditions that feel meaningful to me?
Start by reflecting on your past experiences and what felt significant to you. Consider blending old traditions with new ones, or creating entirely new rituals that honor your loved one or your own emotional journey. Be patient and flexible, allowing yourself to evolve and grow.
Affiliate Disclosure
Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. That simply means I may earn a small commission if you purchase through them—at no additional cost to you. I only share items that I personally love and find genuinely supportive during tender seasons.
Comments