Holding Disappointment, Honoring Growth, and Letting Joy Come With You Into the New Year
- Tina Armstrong
- Dec 31, 2025
- 5 min read
The end of the year has a way of telling the truth.
Not always loudly.
Not always dramatically.
But honestly.
And joy doesn’t have to be forced to be real.
For many women, what surfaces isn’t grief, it’s disappointment.
Disappointment that things didn’t turn out the way you hoped.
That the effort didn’t match the outcome.
That you showed up, stayed faithful, did the work… and still feel let down.
And as the year closes, you may notice something else too:
small moments of joy trying to return.
That’s where it can get complicated.
Key Takeaways
Disappointment is a valid emotional response to unmet expectations.
Joy does not erase disappointment—it supports emotional healing.
You don’t have to earn joy by achieving more.
Your nervous system needs moments of safety and ease.
You’re allowed to carry joy into the new year at your own pace.
Holding Disappointment Isn’t Failure, It’s Evidence That Something Mattered
Disappointment often gets dismissed or minimized, especially for high-achieving women.
We tell ourselves:
“I should just be grateful.”
“Others have it worse.”
“I’ll push through and do better next year.”
But disappointment doesn’t mean you failed.
It means you cared.
It means you invested hope, time, prayer, energy, or faith into something meaningful.
Disappointment deserves to be named—not rushed past.
Why Joy Can Feel Wrong After a Disappointing Season
Here’s something I see often in my work:
When life doesn’t deliver what we expected, joy can feel undeserved.
You might notice thoughts like:
“I shouldn’t feel good when things didn’t work out.”
“Joy feels premature.”
“I haven’t earned rest yet.”
Especially for Black women, who are often socialized to stay strong, productive, and resilient, joy can feel like something you’re only allowed after success.
But joy is not a reward for outcomes.
Joy is a signal of safety.
What’s Happening in the Body
Disappointment keeps the nervous system braced.
Always evaluating.
Always planning.
Always asking, What went wrong? What’s next?
When joy shows up, even briefly, it can feel unfamiliar or unsettling because your system has been in effort mode for so long.
But here’s the truth:
Your nervous system needs moments of ease to regulate and recover.
Positive emotion supports emotional healing, it doesn’t erase reality.
Joy doesn’t mean everything is resolved.
It simply means your body is finding a moment to breathe.
You Can Hold Disappointment and Still Let Joy In
One of the most grounding truths I learned from my therapist, and I offer it to you as the year ends:
You can hold disappointment and also enjoy a quiet moment of peace.
You can feel let down and laugh.
You can feel unsure and feel okay for a moment.
Disappointment and joy are not opposites.
They are companions in honest reflection.
Common Moments When Joy Feels Complicated
You might notice resistance to joy when:
You’re celebrating the holidays but feel behind
You experience rest and immediately feel guilty
You feel okay for a moment and question it
You look ahead to the new year without clarity
These moments don’t mean you’re avoiding growth.
They mean you’re human.
Letting Joy Come With You, Gently
Here are a few ways to move into the new year without bypassing disappointment:
1. Name the Disappointment Clearly
Try: “I’m disappointed this didn’t turn out the way I hoped.”
Naming it brings relief.
2. Release the “Should” Language
You don’t need to feel worse to be responsible.
You don’t need to withhold joy to prove maturity.
3. Allow Joy in Moments, Not Conclusions
Joy doesn’t have to mean “Everything is fine.”
It can simply mean “This moment is okay.”
Simple End-of-Year Practices for Emotional Healing
Reflection: What didn’t happen and what did you learn about yourself anyway?
Movement: Gentle walks or stretching to release stored tension
Ritual: Light a candle to mark what you carried this year
Pause: Notice what steadied you, even when outcomes disappointed
These practices support emotional integration, not forced optimism.
If You’re Ending the Year Feeling Let Down, but Still Becoming
If this reflection resonates, if you’re carrying disappointment and still want to grow with intention, I want to gently invite you into the ROOTED Community.
It’s a space for women who are:
navigating disappointment, stress, and transition
integrating faith and psychology in practical ways
learning how to slow down without losing themselves
choosing grounded growth over forced positivity
You don’t need answers.
You don’t need a plan yet.
You just need space to reflect and breathe.
As you move into the new year, remember:
You don’t have to pretend this year was perfect.
You don’t have to rush clarity.
And you don’t have to leave joy behind because things didn’t turn out as planned.
Take a break before you break.
One honest step at a time.
Until next time, stay ROOTED.
Frequently Asked Questions
1) Is this disappointment or grief?
Disappointment and grief can feel similar, but they’re not the same.
Disappointment often shows up when expectations, hopes, or outcomes didn’t align with what you worked toward or prayed for. You can feel disappointed without experiencing a significant loss—and it still deserves care and attention.
2) Is it normal to feel joy after a disappointing season?
Yes. Very normal.
Joy doesn’t mean you’ve “moved on” too quickly or ignored what didn’t work out. It often arrives quietly as your nervous system finds brief moments of safety and ease.
3) Does letting joy in mean I’m minimizing what didn’t happen?
Not at all.
You can honor disappointment and allow moments of joy to coexist. One doesn’t cancel out the other. In fact, joy often supports emotional healing rather than undermining it.
4) What if I don’t feel joyful yet?
That’s okay too.
There’s no timeline for how you’re supposed to feel at the end of the year. This reflection isn’t about forcing positivity, it’s about giving yourself permission to notice what’s present, without judgment.
5) s this therapy?
No.
This blog and the ROOTED Community are educational and reflective, not therapy or a substitute for mental health treatment. If you’re experiencing significant emotional distress, working with a licensed mental health professional may be helpful.
6) Who is the ROOTED Community for?
The ROOTED Community is for women, especially high-achieving Black women—who are navigating stress, disappointment, transition, and growth, and want practical, faith-informed tools to stay grounded without burning out.
7) What happens inside the ROOTED Community?
Inside the community, you’ll find:
weekly reflections and grounding practices
conversations around stress, disappointment, joy, and growth
a supportive space to slow down and reconnect
guidance rooted in psychology, faith, and lived experience
You don’t need to have it all figured out, just a willingness to show up honestly.
Comments